Friendship

Hmmmmm...friendship. Ask me what it means and different times you could get different answers. After having my first baby, I felt like I really had NO friends. She cried alot. None of my friends had babies, so no one really wanted to be around a screaming child. It was a very lonely, isolated feeling. Other times, I have gone out of my way, bent over backwards and pursued with passion a friendship with some one, because I felt like they seemed lonely. Other times, God has dropped a 'perfect fit' friendship in my lap and it was hardly any effort at all and we stay friends, for what seems like forever! Regardless, one thing I have really tried to put into practice is the old saying (ok- it might not actually be old! Hehe!) 'In order to have friends, one must be friendly'. I LOVE IT!

Unfortunately, in any relationship, you come across problems or issues that need their working through. And the older I get, the more these problems seem too frivolous and irrelevant to what God would want me to be doing with my time and energy.

I have had to put up boundaries and take myself out of poisonous relationships. Now, don't get me wrong, if it's worth it, you make it work! But when you have made it work, again and again and again...and the same result seems to be occurring, that is when the 'red flags' start popping up, and once again, you find your heart broken, from what you thought was a great friendship, but when you look back, you see that there was ALOT more giving on your part and ALOT more taking on theirs!

I am all about doing what you can, helping out and being an active ingredient in your friendships, but when you notice a steady pattern of  rejection, selfishness and DRAMA, you really need to step back and count your losses.

In the Bible, proverbs shares with us a great and powerful verse that should really show you who your 'TRUE' friends are...It says', " A friend loves at all times..."
I have noticed, I do have friends that have loved me at all times...crabby, selfish, angry, gossipy, sinful, just plain-bein'- a - bad - friend TIMES! And thankfully, we grew through those things together and we are still the best of buds, some of those relationships for quite a few years... I won't say how many...that might date me! Haha!

But, the friendships that have fallen to the way side, either because I have seen a consist ant pattern of unloving and selfishness, that leads to the 'drama' I mentioned before, maybe even caused by me, are the friendships that I do not miss.

We are called to be peacemakers, lift each other up with encouragement and just plain be that blessing your friend needed...so, don't be afraid to stop a relationship that is hurting you. Causing you frustration or anger. Forgive. Let go. Still love unconditionally. But, step back and take a breather. We sometimes think because these people are our friends, they should answer to US, but that is far from the truth. Let the love of Christ deal with that persons heart. Be kind, be gracious, be careful. You don't have to be a 'friendship martyr' and lay it all down for someone who is clearly hurting you and causing you much grief.

Try to remember, someday you will have a perfect relationship...in heaven, but until then, guard your heart from the so-called friendships that cause broken hearts and angered hearts. Trust me, You will be alot happier and love them alot more if you step back a little and love from a distance.

A couple of those 'red flags' to look for:
- Finding out that person trash talks you behind your back
- when things don't go their way, you are NO longer a good enough friend for them!
- they have many failed relationships in their lives, but it's NEVER their fault.
- They can't be trusted. You wouldn't share even the smallest if a secret with them for fear it would be on the evening news.
- If there is no drama- they will make it and use you as a pawn in that drama game.