The Tragedy of a BIG FAMILY...

Growing up, I dreamed of having several children, and a big barn to keep my husband in...( I was 7 , sheesh! Things have changed!) 
I had 'real' babies, and played 'babies' all the time, because if you called my babies, 'dolls', you would get the stone cold silent treatment, followed up with tears and a sassy lecture! Which would end with you apologizing to make things right and never, ever calling my babies, dolls again!

Over the years, I have noticed my 'opinion' on BIG families has changed quite a bit. And although, at times I can't handle the four I have, ( admit it! Even if you have JUST ONE, it can be hard to handle!) the thought of a big family hasn't left my heart.

With five pregnancies and 4 live births in 6 years, my husband and I have started praying about if God would allow us the blessing of another child. If it was His will and not just us wanting another baby.

Our reasons for NOT wanting more, where simple...selfishness;
1. We all ready have our hands full with 4
2. We'll have to get a bigger vehicle.
3. The girls are getting bigger, where we can just up and leave and not be so tied down...
4. Less FREE time with another baby, attached to my boob.
5. Big families seem to get wildly out of control.
6. The messes....hair & clothes! 


I had observed 'Big' families and saw a lot of them that I really admired...and then those that I did not.
I am not a 'Where's my kid? Oh well..." kind of a mother. Who would rather let other people deal with the discipline of my children, because they are running wild and I have NO idea where they are.
Or the 'rolling of the eyes' mother...who gets the 'rolls' when her kids are making such a clatter and being such a disturbance, that everyone is  HOPING you'll decide to get your tubes tied before your next ovulation!


Although, I am sure my 4 have caused the above, I probably just haven't realized it! 


I really , really struggled with this decision...should we or shouldn't we?


I prayed and we prayed and he prayed...nothing. We gave ourselves time limits and basically gave God time limits. And the more we prayed the harder it was to parent the 4 we had. Everything kept coming up! Puking kids, everyone waking up all night, disobedience at it's worst, sassiness, in general, all the bad and none of the good in child rearing!


But, we handled it. Even if I wasn't perfect, even if he wasn't perfect, we still handled it.

And no joke, one day a peace came over me and it was as clear as day, " Yes, we should have more!"


Why? Because there is blessings in our children! The bible Say's so! Doesn't mean they can't cause pain and trials, but the bible promises that they are a blessing!


As my awesome cousin Kerry Horn's Pastor said, " If God gave you a financial blessing, would you say, 'no thanks God.?" Absolutely NOT! You would empty your purse of any tampons, lipsticks, loose change, stamps and expired coupons and say, " MORE PLEASE!!!"


Well, children are MORE of a blessing from God than any amount of money.

And I am pleased to announce, that about a week later, Jared got the same peace from God.


I didn't push it or beg, because I knew if what I was feeling was from God, that he would feel it too. In fact when he told me that he wanted more, I really questioned him and threw out all the 'worst case scenario's!' He did not care. He was ready to receive that blessing that we have had before and continues on with our children now.


Now, this being said, we are NOT pregnant, but we will try. God may have other plans for us, I do not know. I am just letting God know that we are willing to go there again, if he chooses to use us that way.


I hesitate to share this news because I know 'everyone has an opinion' and if you compare us to the Duggars, I will have to hurt you. Please keep your nasty opinions to yourself. What's right for us, may not be what God has called from you. Big families are NOT for everyone and Rude comments are NOT for me!


The 'Tragedy of a Big Family' is mostly the greed that is deep seeded in our hearts, the want for more...more money, more time, more me! I don't judge people for small families, that may be where God has placed that family. But, If you're only reason for having 1.5 kids is because you can't go out an buy a new snowmobile every year and you want to retire at age 50 with a nice condo up north, then I would really, really check what your idea of a blessing is.


Following God and abiding in His word is the best blessing! Listening to the heart of God when he calls to us, is the best blessing! If you have children, they too, are the BEST blessing! 


p.s. I really like the Duggars :)