Skinny Jeans...I hate you.

Well, I did it! At 30 years old, I submitted to the fashion gods and broke down and bought the cheapest pair of skinny jeans I could find ( $5 @ Wal - mart!)
I don't know if I should be bragging about that, being that I am, like I said, 30...my hips have been stretched from 5 pregnancies and...ok, ok..so, basically I should just splurge and go get a back tatoo that says, " Big Momma runs this trailer park!"

You may wonder why I fear these pants of deception and fill with rage at thier sight. Don't get me wrong, I used to ROCK the skinny jeans ( when I was 13 and they actually weren't in style...whole 'nother story!) First off, the name...SkInNy? I checked my body over and over and honey child, they're ain't alot of skinny left! Plus, I hate crap that SCREAMS, "HEY! You're SKINNY, but NOT quite SKINNY enough! BUY us SKINNY jeans and be SO SKINNY, you'll look like you SPRAY PAINTED these bad boys on!"

I didn't tell my husband, (well...I didn't want him to fall off the couch laughing and break an arm...I might need those arms to save my from a life and death situation once I squeezed those skinny jeans ON!) and I snuck into the bathroom.

It was alot like labor and delivery...pushing, pulling, heavy breathing, sweating, swearing and screams of pain & that was just getting them on...Jaws of life had to come and get them off of me ;)

But, I was determined...I had recently bought a cute pair of boots that would look SO cute with a pair of skinny jeans on! So, no matter how many veins I would pop in my neck, or how many butt cramps I would get, those jeans and I would wrestle it out till I was crowned VICTOR!

Does victory mean when you finally get them over your hips and barely ( and believe me when I say...BARELY!) zipped, almost buttoned and almost pass out from lack of oxegyn flowing to your 'lower level' on, that you have conquered the skinny jeans? Oh my friend, it does...and I know, because I almost seen the light :)

I would like to blame the skinny Jeans co. whom shall remain nameless, because they really should be called, " Leg squeezing, butt cruncher pants!" and I would also like to thank the herniated belly button my chubby baby left behind as a souvenior of her 9 month stay ( KIDS! Never cleaning up after themselves!) OR well, maybe I'm just retaining water tonight ( like the Biron dam!) I would hate to think, maybe my motherly hips and my winter layers ( a.k.a 'extra pounds') had anything to do with it!

I have to say, I like my hips. Reminds me of the times I felt closest to my husband, as he held all 5 of our baby girls and tears filled his eyes, and he would kiss me and tell me what a great job I did and how he loved me so much. And how everyone of them coming into the world was such an amazing and different expierence, so much better than trying to expierence life from a pair of cute jeans.

All is well in my heart. I actually do know, I will fit into those jeans...someday. And it wont be by starving myself and beating myself up, letting satan lie to me that I'm just NOT skinny enough. It will come from wanting to be a healthy mom for my baby girls and my amazing husband ( who I know is gonna LOVE them! Whit! Whew! Make us some more babies in them skinny jeans;).

What are you trying to squeeze into, taht makes you uncomfortable or feel less beautiful. Know this, to Jesus, there is none more perfect or beautiful than you.

SO CHEW ON THAT SKINNY JEANS!!! :0)

Good News! In this process my belly button hernia is gone! Once I buttoned those pants, it launched back to my spine! That's ok, right?!?

God bless!